A Review of Food and Wine Magazine – because I didn’t want to know anything about “Enami”

this picture is in no way associated with Food and Wine magazine, it is simply something I (Ron) googled.

Hello Ladies and Gents, and I do use those terms loosely.  

(Is now a good time to mention this is Ron?)

Yes, there’s a lull in the Fork You halls these days… too cold to go out and eat.  Yes, that task requires one of us to actually get off our bums to be the sacrificial lamb to go get the Fork You Mini Van and drive everyone to someplace to eat in order to express our culinary credibility to you our readers who are wasting your boss’ time by reading this. 

(wow – run on sentence there, wasn’t it?) 

Because our country has the greatest postal service in the world, I am able to bring you this fabulous piece of “Literary Gold”    

(this observation coming from someone who has never been across the Mississippi, has been to Canada, and the most foreign place he’s ever been was – Boone County WV)   

I originally posted this on my own personal blog  the other day, but because we’re starved for content here also in these troubling times, I decided to cross pollenate.  Spread my seed (or “disease”, choose your term). 

The other day the Fork You Mansion was delivered the March edition of Food and Wine Magazine….  here is my (Ron’s) review.  Please note that I pick up in the middle as the Fork You audience really doesn’t need to hear about my traumatizing knee injury  and brilliant description of it:   

I’ve been drinking, I watched the Daytona 500,  drinking, eating,…. and well low and behold the BottleOfPills mansion got it’s new copy of Food & Wine Magazine (March 2010) the other day.  So what better thing than to review it.  

Well the cover promises me forty healthy recipes.  Those being mexican and thai and of course the proverbial “more” all brought to me by the world’s best cooks.  Also I’m going to learn what the best Australian wines to drink now are.  The cover picture is of an appealing dish of grilled shrimp and soba noodles and what I’m told is a dry Riesling outside my depth of field in the back ground.  

 WOW… sounds yummy… 

(yes I looked for a cover picture, but couldn’t find one and I’m too lazy to scan) 

After flipping through the first 18 pages of ads, table of contents, and that other useless info about the magazine I get to the Editor’s letter. Which begs the question: 

Why does every magazine have a letter from the editor?  Nine times out of ten this “letter” is just going to tell me what a struggle it has been to bring the best of whatever the magazine is about to me the reader and summarize what’s in it.  Doesn’t the Table of Contents summarize this just nicely?  Additionally, it tells me what page everything is on.  Furthermore, normally I either paid for the subscription (in this case it’s Susan’s so she paid for this) or bought the magazine from a newsstand, so any difficulty in bringing me these fine stories has been compensated for so who cares?  Do I really even give a rat’s ass about this? 

Well this editor goes on to tell me how fat I am and that I need to use “Portion Control” on my meals.  Duh I knew that… plus she’s also using a term I’ve never heard of: “flexitarian”???  This is for people that want to cut back on their meat I guess, but not ready to take the full blown plunge into dining on rabbit food.  Yes they have a name for them also now I guess. 

WTF – I thought this was supposed to be about drinking and eating….  If I wanted health food, I’d have picked up a copy of  Susan’s Cooking Light.  What gives?

Flip 

The next page shows me a nice looking hamburger that supposedly has 1500 calories.  It’s “fully loaded” with bacon caramelized onions, “wagyu” beef (whatever that is, I’m sure I can’t buy it at Kroger’s or Foodland or the local IGA, so I’m sure it’s just overly expensive Ground Chuck).  Burger looks good, but the point is instead of eating this massive burger I could instead eat the following:  Cheese and Crackers, Camargue Rice, Filet Mignon, Wild Chicory, and Mini Whoopie Pies to get the same calorie intake. 

OK, what is not easy to display here is that it gives me the costs of all these Other Items, and their relative calorie value. 

The burger I think could easily be substituted for an Applebee’s Burger for $8.95, but because it’s fancy beef, I’ll say you’ll have to go to some artsy place so let’s make the Burger price in the mid teens – I’m pulling $15.95 out of my ass as I have no clue what this burger costs or would cost. 

Total for “Other Items”:  $28 for 1lb of cheese, $7 for crackers (5oz), $17 for 2lbs of this rice, $65 for 4oz of steak, $12 for the chicory, and $28 for 12 mini whoopie pies. $157.  

So … spend $157 on 1500 Calories or spend $15.95???    No brainer if you ask me…  Or I could ask Burger or Cheese and Crackers – again – No Brainer.

Flip 

after a couple pages of ads, I’m onto the News and Notes section, with Five New Eco-Style Favorites…. I would like to say this looks interesting and maybe it would be if I was Danny Weir.  (or is it Johnny, I forget the figure skater’s name)

But I’m not.

Flip 

A Foodies Culture Calendar

hmmmmmm 

According to this I should SEE – art in Philly, because this is going to be the only stop for some Art exhibit that concerns Picasso.  I should EAT at Village Whiskey – hmmmm NOW this does sound fun, I admit… and STAY at Kimpton’s Art Deco Hotel Polamar… for about $200 a night… I’ve paid more, so it doesn’t sound too bad….

FLIP 

Next up is a piece on Iceland, and whether or not I should eat like an Icelander.   According to the blurb, Icelanders are among the planet’s healthiest and happiest people.  Is the secret their pure diet?  I’m sure Food and Wine did a lot of research on this.

Flip 

Where to go next – Anguilla, Barbados, & Mexico – I’ve never heard of the first place, so I won’t be going there.  I have no desire to go to Barbados but I may watch the movie Barbarella.   Lastly,  the only place in Mexico I’d like to go would be Sammy Hagar’s Cabo Wabo Cantina. 

Flip …Flip… flip

 a burden of ads here to the next article on an Overachieving Underchewer…… hmmmmm…. Basically it’s several pages of why eating slower may be good for you.

FLIP 

On page 45 we get to the Thai Recipes… yummy

Thai food is good, I love it, and sometimes I simply just crave it… may have to make some this weekend…  Let’s see what we have… 

Roasted Mushrooms and Shallots with fresh herbs – hmmm doesn’t really blow my skirt.  Warm Escarole Salad with snow peas and sausage – like Anguilla’s above, I don’t know what Escarole is so I won’t be purchasing that at the local Foodland…Stir Fried Red Rice with sliced sirloin and some peas… sounds OK, but I’m not a pea fan.  

OH Shit, we have a dog eared page….

…that means Susan has violated the magazine before me and has found something that interests her.  (well officially it is hers I guess I can overlook this violation)

 I’m also guessing it’s not a reminder to pick up some Hellman’s Real Mayonnaise as depicted on the full page ad on page 49.  

It’s the Soba noodles and grilled shrimp I’m betting depicted on the front of the magazine – let’s see according to this she will be serving it with an Australian Riesling – also pictured on the cover. 

 But if I’m lucky she may be thinking of making the Cornish Hen Stew with Lemongrass and Chiles – this sounds very good, with ginger and cilantro, we could really spice it up too… What wine is suggested? It doesn’t say.  It suggests serving with steamed rice… I thought all asian dishes were to be served with steamed rice  so is this not a default??…..   I’ll be damned… I think a mojito would go good with this if it was spiced up nice.  (yeah I know that’s not wine but neither is steamed rice).   

Another Dog eared page –

Turmeric Roasted Cauliflower – this is Indian in my opinion, not Thai…we eat this a lot, so why it’s dog eared is beyond me.

Flip 

Mexican Favorites Made Healthy – great we’re going to eat healthy beef and bean burritos!!!!   

Beer Braised Turkey Tacos – this sounds good..  Several Salsas ie:  Pineapple Habanero – sounds good.  

DOG EAR Alert!!!!!

Susan having a fish taco fetish makes me think the reason for the Dog ear is the Chipotle Rubbed Salmon Taco recipe….  hmmmmm not bad.   Shrimp Stuffed Peppers….  looks better, and of course another salsa:  Mango-Tomato Salsa. 

Is now a good time to mention that neither of these articles have the nutritional values listed?

Flip 

An article about a guy that likes salt….I guess there’s something more to salt than : Table, Kosher, and Margarita. 

learn something new everyday.

FLIP 

An article on online wine friends. This does have a section on five amazing party wines, but none are in the BottleOfPills income range.  We stick with Two Buck Chuck.

FLIP 

Now were going to taste and test –  I don’t know how I can taste from a magazine, but keep reading… 

An article on grains…. and two recipes for “grain salads”…

Flip (several pages of ads) 

Everyday Japanese – hey I’ll be full blown oriental after this issue…  Recipes for Pork Tonkatsu and Chicken Sukiyaki…. ummm whatever…surprised there’s no dog ear. 

Fish Teryaki and Sweet and Sour Cucumbers…. hmmmm sounds interesting not kidding here, I usually grow cucumbers and at a loss as to what to do with them besides cut them up and put salt on them.. Sweet and sour sounds interesting…  Beef Yakatori….. how bad could it be since it has beef.

FLIP 

Australia’s Cool New wines…. 

A section on Australian wines… gives about 10 wines ranging from $10 to $65 of whites and reds, along with a map and explanation of Australia’s various wine regions.  I’ll stick with the Yellow Kangaroo.

FLIP 

an ad for Arizona

Flip 

Sophie Dahl’s Voluptuous Cooking… there’s nothing Voluptuous about Ms Dahl.  At least from any picture presented here… she’s kind of homely, and if I saw her on the street I’d probably stay away from her.

 Flip 

next is an article by the editor pleading with chefs to lighten their food…I guess she wants to ask all these great chefs to make their meals more healthy.. I haven’t read the article yet.. don’t really know.  If I was them I’d ask her to just not eat as much, because there’s people like me who would want more.

FLIP 

more recipes…

Flip 

now we’re in Turkey for a picnic… a dog ear….  I’m not eating one of these grape leaf wrapped things…. 

another dog ear… 

more recipes…dirty potatoes looking like the most attractive… seriously who would eat something titled “Bulgar Salad with Lightly Roasted Vegetables“…… not me unless the Salt guru from a few articles back was there to up my sodium intake about 100 fold. 

not much on wine, but heavy on food… 

and that’s pretty much it for March.

Advertisements

3 responses to “A Review of Food and Wine Magazine – because I didn’t want to know anything about “Enami”

  1. I don’t want to know anything about “Enami” either.

  2. The wagyu is Kobe style beef raised outside Japan and without all the ritual stuff.

    I’m also pretty sure you are comparing prices of a single serving of the bacon cheeseburger burger to multiple servings of the alternative menu (I don’t know many people– let alone one’s trying to be health conscious — who eat a pound of cheese at a time, or anyone who eats 12 pies even “mini” ones.)

  3. I wondered about that price comparison myself- was that something you (Ron) did on your own or did that come straight from the magazine? Obviously I was too busy dog-earring recipes to read any of the articles.

    And I can’t believe that I get all kinds of grief for my chain reviews, yet no one is saying anything about how ridiculous this post is.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s