The Mildly Upset Whopper

OK, we’ve all seen the commercial for the new Burger King Angry Whopper, if you haven’t, well you’re not missing much.  I had the bright idea to do some research on this here new Whopper.

You see the BK Whopper is a favorite of mine, I remember when they ran a promotion for a $0.99 Whopper. Oh, I was in heaven during those days.  I used to walk to the Burger King on Washington Street at least once a week to get my fix.  Now it is gone, and Susan’s not a BK fan so my Whopper consumption has gone down considerably (yet my waistband has continued to expand – yes that’s a testament to the human spirit)

So over the past couple of months I’ve been telling myself that I’m going to try one of these things.  Plus because Susan keeps harping on people to get their reviews in and craving content.  Seriously, I’ve heard “I’ve got nothing to post tomorrow” so many times these days that it’s driving me crazy, but I thought I’d kill a couple birds with one stone.  My Whopper Craving and Fork You Content being the birds.  (yes you’re probably saying that this review is for the birds by now, especially all you chain snobs – you know who you are.)

Well, after doing a two hour bike ride on Sunday, I decided there’s no time like the present. So after picking up a few groceries at the store I swing through the drive through and order.   I neglect the offer of a value meal and simply say “I’ll take the Angry Whopper, please.” To which I’m asked a single, double, or triple?  Wanting the triple, I choose the single (refer back to the expanding waistline comment above).  So I pull around to the second window and pay my $4.23 and receive my prize.

I rush home, unload the groceries, and then I prepare for my feast.  But first I have to do some research.

rls_090208_001_angry-whopper-fyouFirst I place it on the scale and this Whopper weighs in at 10 oz of calorie-induced goodness.  I can hardly wait to unwrap this and begin feasting.

You see I love whatever chemical Burger King uses to give their burgers that chargrilled flavor.  I truly wish they would just sell it… you know similar to Liquid Smoke. I would buy it and use it on everything.  Right now I can smell that chemical, and I’m like one of Pavlov’s dogs, or a cat upon hearing the can opener.

Salivating I am.

So I carefully unwrap this beauty and low and freaking behold look what I get.   You already know: My burger looks nothing like the picture.  You have to love how these places have gotten us to expect the whole bait and switch that goes on every day.

Take a look:

First I give you the picture of this burger from the Burger King website.

 angry-whopper

Looks like several pieces of fresh leaf lettuce, juicy slices of tomatoes, slices of jalapenos covering the burger, bacon, pepper jack cheese, and onion rings.  See I’ve always been a fan of onion rings on burgers.  There’s a few places that pull this stunt and I love it. 

But what do I get –

rls_090208_004_angry-whopper-fyou

First that is my own crappy photography, so I apologize for the blurriness.  I like to think my photoshop skills are pretty good.  But there’s no way I can create lettuce and all that to make my picture look like the one above.   So I think to myself that maybe, it looks different from the other side, and I took a photo of the back of the burger unlike The King’s professional photographers, so I turn it around to see if all the wholesome goodness is showing on that side.

rls_090208_005_angry-whopper-fyou

hmmmm.. nope it looks the same from the back or the front.  Surely the King wouldn’t have jacked me up.

The differences, I’m not so sure there is any lettuce for one, nor do I see a Jalapeno, much less several.  I do see a piece of bacon, and what looks like a piece of cheese.  I see right now that I’m going to have to do some disection.

rls_090208_006_angry-whopper-fyou

So I open up the burger, and try to be as careful and precise as Kay Scarpetta working on a new member of her morgue.

First thing I notice is this is a first rate case of Advertising/Marketing 101 – Advertise One Thing and Deliver Another.

I have one slice of tomato,  obviously the King recieves three or four slices, but us lowly peasants only get one. 

Instead of recieving whole onion rings, or battered onions whatever they are, I recieved about 1/3 of one single battered onion ring. 

It appears I got two slices of bacon, but because neither one will stretch across the entire burger I’m thinking I may have recieved one piece broken in half.  I will give the king the benefit of the doubt.   However the King does still owe me at least one more piece of bacon.

Jalapenos – if there’s anything that’s going to add spice to this burger it’s going to be these.    Instead of neatly arranging my pepper slices along the perimeter of the burger.  My Burger Barrista simply lumped mine all in the center in one single pile.  Obviously this was to concentrate the spicy flavor in one bite.  Being careful not to ruin my chef’s presentation, I delicately pick a jalapeno off to sample, and just as I suspect.  This is not spicy, this is one of the pickled jalapenos that you can get at the grocery store, not very spicy at all.

I did get two pieces of cheese, however they each are approximately 2/3 rds the size of the all American Kraft Single. 

Lettuce – is lettuce that expensive these days?  I was just in Krogers and the iceberg was like a dollar a head.   You say, but this is leaf lettuce… no my friend this was not leaf lettuce… this was iceburg, about 1/4 of a leaf actually.

rls_090208_007_angry-whopper-fyou

This is like 10x Zoom on my camera.   I may not have even had a quarter of a piece of lettuce total.  (I had to add total, or else someone would say “but Ron you have two pieces”)

That’s about the size of two Quarters.  One quarter per piece.

Insane.

Well it also has a smidgeon of mayonnaise, and the special Angry Sauce.

Ok well that’s about all, so I reassemble the masterpiece from the Burger Barrista, minus one Jalapeno.  Pull up a seat at the table and chomp down.

First taste, I do taste the Charbroiled seasoning.. it’s pretty good.

Second bite, I get a piece of my onion ring, actually I probably got the entire piece, and it worked well on the sandwich, I can only dream what two would have tasted like.

Third bite, I get some Jalapeno.  Fourth I’ve finished up the bacon by now.  Basically I’m finished in a few minutes with this thing. 

It was pretty good, reminds me more of a spicy BBQ burger sauce.   I don’t know how Angry this burger is.  To be honest I think it’s just midly upset.  The only people that I think would think this was spicy are Susan’s kids and the Top Chef Judges.  As for a true Spicy food fan.. this burger sucks for spice.  Seriously I’ve had more spice out of a pepper shaker.  

Flavorwise, it was pretty good, was it worth the $4.23 cents?  Hell no.  Remember that is the price of the single burger, no drink, no fries.   For $2 more I can go to Applebees or Logan’s and get a decent burger with fries.   Personally I’d stick with the regular old Whopper.

That’s it for now… wait for my Burger Bonanza in the coming weeks, unless Susan makes me do it sooner. 

 

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23 responses to “The Mildly Upset Whopper

  1. demosthenes.or.locke

    “Salivating I am.”

    Yoda-talk-like Ron is. Good review writing he has done. This burger eaten have I. Spicy it is not. Better Wendy’s is than this, say I.

    SagrilariousTroll’s elitist comment on fast food in 5…..4……..3…….

  2. This demonstrates a picture is worth a thousand words.

  3. I concur entirely. Although I do still order them, although that’s more because I like to confuse the drive-through drone by asking for an “Angry Whopper, some Irritated Fries, and a Dr. Perturbed.”

    yeah, I’m a child at heart

  4. demosthenes.or.locke

    I’d like a double pissed whopper, please.

  5. That’s a good lesson for the kids abotu truth in advertizing. That said, BK is my favorite FF restaurant, but they are rare in Canadian cities so you need to make the trip count when you go.

  6. demosthenes.or.locke

    Why do you and Susan have that huge crack scale in the first picture?

  7. How friggin funny, with the orig. pic, versus your bum deal. And yes, i know of the BK chargrill smell…it calls my name whenever I go by with the windows down.

    *followed you from 304 btw. very funny stuff!!

  8. If you’re looking for a good burger try Oskee’s in St. Albans, the best I’ve had in a while!! And their jalepenos, while pickled, are indeed spicy!

  9. You should visit the WV Surf Reports Ad vs Reality bit for more pictures! http://thewvsr.com/adsvsreality.htm

  10. The Scale – that came over with me when I relocated residences. As manly as it sounds, I used it to make candles.

    Now, I simply use it to make sure I get 3X the recommended daily allowance of Trans Fat in my diet.

    It works pretty good…

    One Pork Chop, nope, …Add another… Ok Add a half of one more.. oh and give me the bone for good measure.

  11. “First thing I notice is this is a first rate case of Advertising/Marketing 101 – Advertise One Thing and Deliver Another.”

    I think they hang people in China for this kind of stuff. Maybe they have the right idea. American marketing has become ridiculous, second only to the proles who fall for their lies and scams.
    $4.23? You gotta be kiddin me.
    I’ll have it my way at Wendy’s if I’m gonna eat a FF burger.
    But really, how hard is it to pick up a pack of ground chuck, a couple nice rolls and some fixins? It wouldn’t cost much more than one of those horrors and you’ll have enough for four.
    Good review, even if it is for a FF joint.

  12. As a man who basically subsisted on fast food when young and single (I never cooked and would only go to a decent place with a date), I’d rank the national fast food franchises I know:

    1. Long John Silver’ s ( still like the fried fish even if it doesn’t taste like fish)

    2. Wendy’s (double with cheese)

    3. KFC (original recipe)

    4. Quizno’s (steak sub)

    6. Sonic (coneys)

    7. Burger King (double bacon cheeseburger)

    8. Subway (BMT)

    9. Arby’s (roast beef)

    10. Captain D’s (fried fish)

    11. MacDonalds

    I can’t think of any national fast-food chains I have patronized other than Taco Bell and the pizza places and I hate all those.

  13. Phil-

    Interesting list.

    Here’s mine:

    1) Chick-Fil-A (almost anything on the menu except the cold wraps)

    2) Captain D’s (fried fish with lots of extra bits of fried batter)

    3) Wendy’s (combo #1 – the only fast food hamburger I’ll eat)

    4) Subway (sweet onion chicken teriyaki)

    5) DQ (hot dog, onion rings and a Resee cup blizzard made with chocolate ice cream)

    And here are some of my faves from days gone by:

    Taco Bell tacos years ago when the beef filling tasted more like real ground beef and less like school lunch mystery meat

    The Filet ‘O Fish and fries at McDonalds when they still FRIED the filet ‘o fish and the french fries were fried in animal fat

    The Fisherman’s Filet from Hardee’s on the large multi-grain sub bun

    The chicken littles from KFC – you know, the sandwiches made from the square rolls and a square of pressed chicken bits coated in the Colonel’s secret herbs and spices

  14. Chick-fil-A escaped my memory. I do like that but I’ve only had it a couple of times as it wasn’t around when I was young.

  15. demosthenes.or.locke

    Chik fil A is a superb fast food joint.

  16. Susan, I loved chicken littles from KFC! My friend and I would get them by the bagful almost on a daily basis. They were sooooo good. They also had a smidgen of some kind of flavored-up mayo on them.

  17. I used to save up my lunch money to buy Chicken Littles at the Buckhannon KFC drive thru after school on Fridays with my friend, Traci, who would always get the biggest tub of mashed potatoes and gravy she could afford.

    Of course I never got the mayo on them.

  18. I have a weakness for Rally’s (Checker’s when I’m in FL). The fries are really f’in tasty and something about the stuff they put on the burgers.
    Sick, I know, but it’s my sickness.
    Any FF fish joint I’m eating at is usually my favorite FF place.
    Does Sonny’s BBQ count as fast food?

  19. Sag, I think there’s a Checker’s in Nitro at the end of town near the interstate.

    I agree you can’t go wrong at LJS or Captain D’s. Some of my other faves are the Steak Escape (the Hambrosia, which is off the menu, but you can still get it), KFC original recipe, Arby’s, Rax if you can find one and good ol’ McDonald’s.

  20. Pingback: Fat Patty’s: quite possibly the best burger in Huntington | WV Gourmet

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