Pazzo’s Pizza – Canaan Valley Resort, Tucker County, WV
The term “resort” really should not be applied to this place. The Resort Police should smack that down hard and fast. I just had the worst lunch since the Power Alley Grill debacle at Pazzo’s Pizza, the quick-order place at the Canaan Valley “Resort” lodge.
I was attending and presenting at a conference, which put me in the building all day, therefore forcing me to eat lunch on the premises. In hindsight, I should have brought a bag lunch. Most of the conference attendees ate lunch in the Hickory dining room. I was not falling into that trap again. You know, where you unwittingly follow the masses, like lemmings…to their death. We have been holding this particular conference in this location for years. For the past several, the Wednesday lunch has ALWAYS been a pathetic soup/salad/sandwich buffet where my bill always totals around $10. What makes it pathetic, you ask? I am pleased to explain: the bread for the sandwiches came right out of the Heiner’s bag – not toasted, not warm, not nothin’. Regular ol’ cheap ass deli meat and American cheese. Iceberg lettuce, of course. And we all know by now that sandwich lettuce is very important to me. The salad is iceberg lettuce, again, and you know there’s gonna be Ranch dressing. I never even walked over to the soup. Figured it wasn’t worth the trouble. To beat it all, you can’t even order off the regular dining room menu if you don’t want that inferior sandwich stuff. As I said, I was not going to pay $10 for that again this year so I went to the quick-order place called Pazzo’s Pizza.
As the name would suggest, pizzas are one of the main items on their menu. unfortunately for the patrons, the pizza oven was out of order – no pizzas for you. Damn. Ok, ok….I had to think fast. I thought to myself: what can I order that they can’t screw up? In a moment of briliant clarity it came to me: something fried. I had spotted the deep fryer behind the lady with the hair net telling the person in front of me that there were no pizzas. That was it! Eureka! I had out-smarted the Canaan Valley “Resort” in their effort to completely ruin my day with an overpriced crappy lunch. Next, it was my turn. I confidently said: “chicken tenders with fries and a fountain drink, please.” The warm-fuzzy feeling of victory was coursing through my veins when the lady with the hair net responded: “We don’t have any fries”.
At this point, the Earth stopped spinning for a moment.
“What? No Fries?” I asked, quizzically. “We don’t have any fries” she repeated in an unsympathetic tone. I remained clam. I didn’t want to freak out, after all it wasn’t the hair net’s fault that the manager is too much of an idiot to order fries from US Foods. After all, the management only knew, like, a year in advance of the conference dates. Apparantly the entire Canaan Valley area was out of fries. My only other option was to become a lemming and swim to my death through the bowl of iceberg lettuce. No! I would not succomb. I went ahead with my order, minus the fries. Amazingly, the total was the same whether I got the fries or not. I immediately thought of what Ron said about Restaurant Apathy in his post on Chili’s. So true. He is a prophet.
I filled my cup with Diet Pepsi (can I not catch a single break today?) and waited on my order. Just as I had hoped, the hair net emerged with a plastic bag of frozen chicken tenders, dropped 4 in the deep fryer and I felt some relief. My plate was delivered and I dug in with one regular knife and a plastic fork. Don’t ask me why, I was just thankful to have silverware at this point. For all I know, they could have run out of freakin’ forks, too. The tenders were what I expected: fried, hot and pretty good. Just like the Tyson ones I buy for my kids. Only I bake those…fried is much better. I ate my chicken while filling out the comment card the hair net had given me when I politely asked her to tell the manager that they need to actually have food when there is a conference on site.
I paid $5.75 for these tenders and a reasonable $1.25 for the soda. (Which I refilled 3 times to try to make up for what I lost on the fries.) While I was waiting on my food, another patron complained about the missing fries while still being charged full price to a management-looking person who walked through. A bag of cheddar Sun Chips arrived at my spot at the bar. I don’t even like those.
I don’t want to get started on how I feel about the accommodations at Canaan. But it’s a shame. Tucker County is one of the most beautiful places I have been in our great state. I LOVE coming to the area. There are the awesome little towns of Davis and Thomas a few minutes away. (In fact, I am writing this while enjoying a beer at The Purple Fiddle, listening to tonight’s band warm up.) If I had a vacation home somewhere, I would choose Tucker County. Canaan Valley “Resort” is sitting on a gold mine of tourism opportunity. But who wants to go there when they can’t even order the french fries?
No Forks For You, Canaan Valley “Resort”.Pazzo’s Pizza Canaan Valley Resort & Conference Center HC 70, Box 330 Davis, West Virginia 26260 1-800-622-4121 UPDATE: Dan likes new info to go at the end of the post… 06.22.08 Ron Says –
I love this area of our great state, yet this poor excuse of a Resort can really turn a person around. I have been coming to this area since 1994 for either Bike Races or work… This particular “resort” and I use that term loosly….. has never changed.
IE: For work… food sucks… now that may be my state agency’s tight waddiness and not wanting to pay for anything decent, but I can’t imagine they had in mind what happened a couple months ago at a conferance. This “****HOLE”, come on, call it what it is – served Hamburgers – yet left the Mustard and Ketchup in the kitchen. Someone had to go ask about these condiments!!!! It doesn’t stop there…. as most people were taking the meat off the Hamburgers as the buns were just crappy and eating the burger without the bun. I will not talk about the BBQ as words cannot describe it.
Typically the breakfasts here consist of eggs, bacon, and sausage.. now I use the term “egg” loosley as these do not taste like eggs. It’s something else I don’t know what but it’s something else.
Anyhow I’m tired and my dog wants to pee so I’m not wasting much more time on this review. But I do want to say that Canaan Valley WV is one of the most awesome places to visit. It’s a freakin’ shame that this state joint is allowed to operate the way it does. Facility wise, that is… as they have an abundance of trails and golf courses, restaraunts, etc. that can be visited…. Don’t hold the services of this place against Canaan Valley or West Virginia…. PLEASE!!!.. we know this resort sucks, but try to overlook it and take in the area around it – It’s Worth It!!